In late March 2016, I removed my blog at livingbipolarlife.com. It become my healing voice; my outlet to tell the world that I was hurting and, that I needed someone to listen. The problem though it was becoming my only voice. I stopped talking to my family about how I was handling my days. Instead, they would read the posts, then come to me. It should have been the other way around. They could sometimes see the pain but didn’t know what I was experiencing on the inside.
Now though I’m hoping to turn a new page on my life’s story. I still have bipolar. I know it’s never going to go away. I will always live with depression, which is debilitating at times. I have days when I feel that everything is going wrong, and then there are days when I am ecstatic with joy because the disparaging feelings of depression have lifted.
I’m not about to tell you that the world is a kind loving place. That if you think only positive thoughts the magical rainbow of happiness will appear, and the angels will sing your good graces, instead I’d rather be frank in my beliefs. Life is truly what you allow it to be. Life is a natural ebb and flow of energy. It’s an energy you can control.
You can decide what to bring in, and what to put out. There will be times when that energy is turned upside down due to extenuating factors. In my case, my bipolar with depression at times leaves me unbalanced. It’s never an excuse, but a reality of my existence. My energy is swirling around, unable to find its center. Eventually, it does settle, pointing me back to the direction I was meant to follow. This is what life is! A constant journey to an ending that no one knows. Well, we all know our final ending, it’s the time between the beginning and end that is the real challenge.
This is my turning point. I’m in a state of transition.